"L.O.L"

In Truth..A Good Choice for Georgie Boy...
George Bush has a heart attack and dies Obviously,he goes to hell
where the devil is waiting for him.
"I'm not sure what to do,"says the devil your'e on my list but have no room for you.
As you definitely have to stay here,so I'm going to let some-one else go.
I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you,Ill let one of them go,
but you have to take their place."I'll even let you decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he ageed.
The devil opened the first room,in it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water.
He kept diving in and out,over and over such was his fate in hell.
"NO"George said.."I dont think so I'm not a good swimmer and dont think I could stay in hot water all day."
The devil led him to the next room,in it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full
of rocks.
All he did was swing the hammer,time after time.
"NO!"I've got this problem with my shoulder,I would be in constant agony if all I could
do was break rocks all day" commented George.
The devil opened a third door, in it George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor his arms staked
over his head and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose.
Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky,doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said,"Yeah,I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said..."OK,Monica,your'e free to go!"


**************************************

DO YOU KNOW "ARRY" AWKINS
Two women met in a London street and one said to the other.Do you know "ARRY" Awkins
do I know "ARRY" AWKINS.Why it was only the other night my old man said to me: Go and get
a jug of beer!And who do you think I met? Why,"ARRY" AWKINS,and before I could say
Trafalgar Square he grabs me by the a..se,shoves me under a tree, downs me, ins me,outs me,
wipes his tally-whacker on me petticoat,drinks the old man's beer,p...es in the jug and walks
off whistling God Save the Queen-and you ask me if I know "ARRY" Awkins."

BLIMEY!!

***********************************

"A COUPLE OF FUNNIES"

" It Comes To Us All"
Hazel was a 93-year-old woman,particularly despondent over the death of her husband, Earl.
She decided she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army
pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart,since it was so badly broken
in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone,
she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on
a woman.
The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later, that night Hazel was admitted to the hospitalwith a gunshot wound to her knee.
**********************************

**A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches"Can I help you sir?"****
**"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.**
**The cop asks"Where was your car the last time you saw it?'**
**"It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies."
**About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner hanging out
of his fly for all the world to see.**
**He asks the man "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"**
**Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing**
**a beat, blurts out.......**Holy shit.....My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!"***
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Dear Diary"
MONDAY: What a wonderful cruise this is going to be! I felt singulary honoured this evening. The Captain asked me to dine at his table.
TUESDAY: I spent the entire afternoon on the bridge with the Captain.
WEDNESDAY: The Captain made proposals to me unbecoming an officer and a gentleman.
THURSDAY: Tonight the Captain threatened to sink the ship if I do not give in to his indecent proposals!
FRIDAY: This afternoon I saved 1600 lives.
*********************************

"MEMORIES"

While at a loose end,I was browsing through some photo's.
These were some that I found,I couldn't believe how the
years had flown by.
The photo above is our youngest boy Drew aged 8yrs old

This photo above shows his 2nd son Jesse

This is his 1st born Kane above " Brotherly Love" After having two more additions all here with dad,

this photo was taken just after their mother walked out on them

He is still careing for them,and I cant sing his praises enough.

From L-R Kane, Diane,Dad,Cory,Jesse,

They are now...12yrs,7yrs, 8yrs, 10yrs,

"SENIORS"

What are seniors worth?...Remember,old folks are worth a fortune-
with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth,stones in their kidney,
lead in their feet and gas in their stomaches.

I have become a little older since I saw you last and a few changes
have come into mylife. Frankly,I have become a frivolous old girl,
i'm seeing five gentleman every day.

As soon as I wake up Will Power helps me out of bed.ThenI go to
see John, Next it's time for Uncle Toby to come along, followed
by Billy T.

They leave and Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day,
He doesn't like to stay in one place very long so he takes me from joint to joint.
After such a busy day i'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Johnny Walker,
What a life! Oh yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer.
##############################################
P.S...The preacher came to call the other day, he said at my age I should
be thinking about the hereafter.
I told him, Oh I do, all the time!No matter where I am, if I'm in the parlour,
upstairs, in the kitchen or down in the basement, I ask myself: Now what am I here after?.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


"SENIORS ARE LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS"....
Hearing Aids, Band Aids ,Roll Aids, Walking Aids,
Medical Aids, Goverment Aids,
***************************
Most of all:
Monetary Aids To Their Kids!!

The golden years have come at last
I cannot see, I cannot pee.
I cannot chew, I cannot skrew.
My memory shrinks, my hearing stinks.
No sense of smell, I look like hell.
My body is drooping, got trouble pooping.
The golden years have come at last,
The golden years can kiss my ASS!!!
##################################################

"REMEMBERING MY BLOG BREAK"

Thought I would fill you in on my trip.
As my daughter Janine was driving me home after my visit,
And I was delivering my g/daugter home after spending her
school holidays with us, we went down on the train.

We arrived at my daughters, to find my youngest son was there.
I hadn't seen him for a while so it was a nice surprise .
This is Drew and Janine in the photo above


The next day being saturday sept30th, and Janine's birthday we
went to my other daughters at a place called Werribee for a B.B.Q.
Above with his dog and cluching a stubbie [BEER] is the son-inlaw.


Janine and Drew deep in conversation


This is Nicole my youngest daughter, with her
two daughters Bianca & Chantelle.

It seems that I wasn't the only one to have a break.

Dale & Nicole had just got back from the hospital ,with Dillon who had

come off his skate board earlier that day& broke his wrist.

"JOKES ARE ON ME"

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower,
when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says,"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel".
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds,Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,"who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour,"she replies.
"Great"the husband says,"did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
#####################################

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time,you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure..
**************************


A priest offered a nun a lift.She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said,"Father, remember Psalm129?" The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears,he let his hand slide up her leg again.The nun once again
said,"Father,remember Psalm129?"
The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."Arriving at the convent,
the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church,the priest rushed to look up Psalm129. It said,
"Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

#####################################
MORAL OF THE STORY: If you are not well informed in your job,
you might miss a great opportunity:

**************************************

"Friendship"

"

Friendship is a priceless gift

That can't be bought or sold.

It's value is far greater than

Mountains made of gold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This face you may have seen before

he was my friend who

left us two years

ago this october.

This was another friend who also

left us too early

On a happier note this threesome

are still around taken prior to leaving

on my trip around australia

My friend Paula we met bowling and are

are still bowling together and are nieghbours

I've kept the best for last

The LADY on the right of the pic below

is my MOTHER
She was truly my friend [My Best Friend]

Even thoughI lost her 40 years ago December 1st
I have found many good friends since but

none like her and I suppose I never will.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~