Gwen's Den

Saturday, July 01, 2006


Man visits dentist and is told he needs to have a tooth extracted.
The man becomes agitated when he sees the needle and says to dentist
i cant stand needles , with that dentist says no trouble i will give you gas.
No" No" it has a bad effect on me too, he was then asked by dentist are
you alright taking tablets yes said the man.
With that dentist hands him two tablets what are they asks the man "VIAGRA'
i did'nt know they were any-good for pain.
They're not but you will need something to hang onto when i pull your tooth..

She called her man servant into her bedroom.
"Oh Jeeves." Please unzip my dress, and just let it fall to the floor"
With a great deal of embarrassment, he did so.
"Thank you Jeeves.Now please take off my stockings."
By now, Jeeves was in quite a sweat.
"That's wonderful Jeeves. You're doing just fine. And now i want you
to take off all my underwear----And if i ever catch you wearing them again,YOU WILL BE INSTANTLY DISMISSED."
A priest had called on an elderly lady in a nursing home, to say her weekly prayers with her,
and to have a chat.During the visit he kept nibbling away at a bowl of peanuts on a table
beside her bed, and on leaving, realised that he'd eaten them ALL so apologisedto her.
But she just replied:--- "Oh. That's quite alright. These days i can't eat them,' cause
I'velost all my teeth.So i just put them in thst bowl after I've sucked all the chocolate
off them. ;;;;;;;;
The new nun goes to her first confession, and tells the priest that she has a terrible secret.
The priest explains that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional so she says:---
"Father,I never wear panties under my habit."The priest just chuckles and says:----
That's not so serious, Sister Bernadette. Say five Hail Mary's, five Our Fathers, and
then on your way to the altar do five cartwheels."
A woman brought a mirror from an antique shop, took it home and hung it on the back of
bedroom door,and when undressing that night, looked in the mirror and jokingly said:---
"Mirror,mirror, on the door, make my bust-line forty-four."
Instantly there was a brilliantflash,and her breasts were suddenly an enormous size.
her husband had been laying in bed taking all this in, so he sprang out of bed and going to the
mirror said:---"Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my penis touch the floor."
Again, that bright flash, and------- Both his LEGSFELL OFF..
.Sherlock Holmes and Dr.Watson were on a camping trip, and as they lay down this night,
Holmes asked Watson:---"When you look up into the sky, what do you see.?"
And Watson replied:---I see millions and millions of stars."Then Holmes asked."
"And what does that tell you..?
Watson replied:...."Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets.
Theologically, it tells me that god is great,and that we are small and insignificant.
While Meteorologically it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you.?"And Holmes replied:----"That somebody stole our bloody tent.!!!!"
There was a little boy and a little girl in the bath together. The girl was looking
between the boys legs and said:--"What'sthat.? can I touchit.?"Where upon the boy said:---
NOWAY !Youv'e already torn yours off !"