Gwen's Den

Saturday, July 01, 2006

TICKLE YOUR FUNNY BONE

THE DENTIST'S VISIT
Man visits dentist and is told he needs to have a tooth extracted.
The man becomes agitated when he sees the needle and says to dentist
i cant stand needles , with that dentist says no trouble i will give you gas.
No" No" it has a bad effect on me too, he was then asked by dentist are
you alright taking tablets yes said the man.
With that dentist hands him two tablets what are they asks the man "VIAGRA'
i did'nt know they were any-good for pain.
They're not but you will need something to hang onto when i pull your tooth..

JEEVES
She called her man servant into her bedroom.
"Oh Jeeves." Please unzip my dress, and just let it fall to the floor"
With a great deal of embarrassment, he did so.
"Thank you Jeeves.Now please take off my stockings."
By now, Jeeves was in quite a sweat.
"That's wonderful Jeeves. You're doing just fine. And now i want you
to take off all my underwear----And if i ever catch you wearing them again,YOU WILL BE INSTANTLY DISMISSED."
PRIEST'S VISIT..
A priest had called on an elderly lady in a nursing home, to say her weekly prayers with her,
and to have a chat.During the visit he kept nibbling away at a bowl of peanuts on a table
beside her bed, and on leaving, realised that he'd eaten them ALL so apologisedto her.
But she just replied:--- "Oh. That's quite alright. These days i can't eat them,' cause
I'velost all my teeth.So i just put them in thst bowl after I've sucked all the chocolate
off them. ;;;;;;;;
"NEW NUN"
The new nun goes to her first confession, and tells the priest that she has a terrible secret.
The priest explains that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional so she says:---
"Father,I never wear panties under my habit."The priest just chuckles and says:----
That's not so serious, Sister Bernadette. Say five Hail Mary's, five Our Fathers, and
then on your way to the altar do five cartwheels."
"THE MIRROR"
A woman brought a mirror from an antique shop, took it home and hung it on the back of
bedroom door,and when undressing that night, looked in the mirror and jokingly said:---
"Mirror,mirror, on the door, make my bust-line forty-four."
Instantly there was a brilliantflash,and her breasts were suddenly an enormous size.
her husband had been laying in bed taking all this in, so he sprang out of bed and going to the
mirror said:---"Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my penis touch the floor."
Again, that bright flash, and------- Both his LEGSFELL OFF..
CAMPING OUT
.Sherlock Holmes and Dr.Watson were on a camping trip, and as they lay down this night,
Holmes asked Watson:---"When you look up into the sky, what do you see.?"
And Watson replied:---I see millions and millions of stars."Then Holmes asked."
"And what does that tell you..?
Watson replied:...."Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets.
Theologically, it tells me that god is great,and that we are small and insignificant.
While Meteorologically it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you.?"And Holmes replied:----"That somebody stole our bloody tent.!!!!"
"BATH TIME"
There was a little boy and a little girl in the bath together. The girl was looking
between the boys legs and said:--"What'sthat.? can I touchit.?"Where upon the boy said:---
NOWAY !Youv'e already torn yours off !"

5 Comments:

  • Great jokes there Gwen still having a chuckle

    By Blogger Jeanette, at July 02, 2006 6:41 pm  

  • Hi Gwen, thanks for the visit to holtieshouse, glad you enjoyed it call in any time. Some very good jokes here, I specially liked Jeeves and The Mirror.

    By Blogger Peter, at July 03, 2006 7:08 pm  

  • Hi Gwen, thanks for the visit, had a disasterous trip home, see my site for the details. jacqui

    By Blogger Jacqui, at July 04, 2006 11:36 pm  

  • Hey Gweni,

    Just popped by to "Fix" things up, but looks good to me. Think you and the old girl must have been on the slops on Tuesday !!!

    Keep up the great work

    Talk soon
    Carol
    xxooxx

    By Anonymous Carol, at July 06, 2006 1:29 pm  

  • Hi Gwen,
    Just wanted to stop in and say hello. Thanks so much for visiting. Please stop in again any time!!

    By Blogger Sue, at August 24, 2006 6:47 am  

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