A young couple got married and went on a cruise for their honeymoon.
When they arrived home from the honeymoon, the bride immediately called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away.
"Well, darling," said her mom, "how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mother," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time! But, mother, as soon as we returned, Sam began using really horrible language...
Stuff I'd never heard before... Really terrible 4-letter words... You've got to come get me and take me home. PLEASE MOTHER!"
And the new bride began to sob over the telephone.
But honey," the mother countered, "WHAT 4-letter words?"
"I can't tell you, mother," said the daughter, "they're too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!"
"Darling daughter, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell mother the 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Mother.... he is using words like:
DUST... WASH... IRON... COOK!
Joke of the day:
The owner of a small deli was being questioned by the IRS about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."
"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to tell you - we also deliver
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.
" The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want". The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking.
The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.
I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of something that would honour and glorify me. "
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife.
I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothings wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.
"The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"