"A COUPLE OF FUNNIES"

" It Comes To Us All"
Hazel was a 93-year-old woman,particularly despondent over the death of her husband, Earl.
She decided she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army
pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart,since it was so badly broken
in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone,
she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on
a woman.
The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later, that night Hazel was admitted to the hospitalwith a gunshot wound to her knee.
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**A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches"Can I help you sir?"****
**"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.**
**The cop asks"Where was your car the last time you saw it?'**
**"It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies."
**About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner hanging out
of his fly for all the world to see.**
**He asks the man "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"**
**Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing**
**a beat, blurts out.......**Holy shit.....My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!"***
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"Dear Diary"
MONDAY: What a wonderful cruise this is going to be! I felt singulary honoured this evening. The Captain asked me to dine at his table.
TUESDAY: I spent the entire afternoon on the bridge with the Captain.
WEDNESDAY: The Captain made proposals to me unbecoming an officer and a gentleman.
THURSDAY: Tonight the Captain threatened to sink the ship if I do not give in to his indecent proposals!
FRIDAY: This afternoon I saved 1600 lives.
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