Gwen's Den

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

"A COUPLE OF FUNNIES"

" It Comes To Us All"
Hazel was a 93-year-old woman,particularly despondent over the death of her husband, Earl.
She decided she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army
pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart,since it was so badly broken
in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone,
she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on
a woman.
The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later, that night Hazel was admitted to the hospitalwith a gunshot wound to her knee.
**********************************

**A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches"Can I help you sir?"****
**"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.**
**The cop asks"Where was your car the last time you saw it?'**
**"It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies."
**About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner hanging out
of his fly for all the world to see.**
**He asks the man "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"**
**Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing**
**a beat, blurts out.......**Holy shit.....My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!"***
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Dear Diary"
MONDAY: What a wonderful cruise this is going to be! I felt singulary honoured this evening. The Captain asked me to dine at his table.
TUESDAY: I spent the entire afternoon on the bridge with the Captain.
WEDNESDAY: The Captain made proposals to me unbecoming an officer and a gentleman.
THURSDAY: Tonight the Captain threatened to sink the ship if I do not give in to his indecent proposals!
FRIDAY: This afternoon I saved 1600 lives.
*********************************

10 Comments:

  • Well done Gwen, I haven't had a good day and I have a cold but your jokes cheered me up no end.

    By Blogger UKBob, at October 26, 2006 6:14 am  

  • lol on the jokes!

    By Blogger Janice, at October 26, 2006 2:47 pm  

  • Hahahaha
    Great jokes mates
    See you tomorrow arvo

    By Blogger Jeanette, at October 26, 2006 6:07 pm  

  • Hi Gwen,
    That was great . . . the funny about the woman trying to commit suicide!

    I'm glad you happened along my blog . . . and yes, do let me know how the cookies come out. I will make a batch too and post the picture.

    ~Keep having fun!
    Becky

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at October 27, 2006 3:04 am  

  • ahaha...liked the first one the best!

    By Blogger Sorlil, at October 27, 2006 9:39 am  

  • Good jokes! Come see Mrs. Jim and me at the Captain's dinner, just posted today! I don't think we saved any lives?

    BTW, I'm back. If you like roses, read Billy's last post about his Dad's.
    ..

    By Blogger Jim, at October 27, 2006 2:02 pm  

  • I've lost girlfriends (back in the DAY) before I was married, but I can't ever remembering it being like that!

    P.S. ~ Thanks for the POST on my blog... glad you enjoyed it! ~ jb///

    By Blogger LZ Blogger, at October 28, 2006 6:54 am  

  • How right you are it does come to us all, and very quickly too!!! Still laughing at the great jokes. Will catch you again soon.
    Cheers Margaret

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at October 28, 2006 10:03 am  

  • LOL loved them all! I'm heading for bed but first wanted to catch up on a few posts I've missed!!Gosh, $20 for a pumpkin??? That's highway robbery! Over here the most expensive ones I've seen are $4.99! We're supposed to get a snowstorm overnight so goodness knows what we'll wake up to in the morning! Take care:-)

    By Blogger PEA, at October 28, 2006 1:51 pm  

  • good jokes mate, see you in a few weeks take care

    By Blogger LittleJen, at October 28, 2006 3:57 pm  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home