"BLOG BREAK"

Just a short message to let you know ,i will be away for one week starting 29th sept-6th oct.
Hope you all miss my blogging efforts i'm going to visit family in Melbourne.
These "HUGS" will have to hold you all till i return ........Keep Well All.....Gwen.

"School Holidays"

These are some of my grandchildren, from L to R Dillon,Diane,Cory,Chantelle,Jesse at the back
The school holidays started on September16th returning on October2nd.
Chantelle who will be 11yrs old in November,spent her holidays with us this year
it was nice having her .
We went over to Wangaratta which is 54 klms from Yarrawonga, to have lunch with
cousins who live there.
The day was great for the kids, as living so far away from each other they dont see
each other very often.
But as all good things must end, we are taking her home Friday 29thSept ready for school
on the 2nd Oct.
When we take her home we will call in and see our eldest daughter who turns 41 on
Saturday30th, we can celebrate whith dinner befor returning home next day.

"Belly Laughs"

An old lady is, reflecting on her long life, when suddenly her fairy godmother appears and says that she will grant the old lady three wishes"well now. I guess I would like to be rich." says theold lady.***POOF*** her rocking chair turns to solid gold."And, I guess I wouldn't mind being a beautiful young princess."
***POOF*** she turns into a lovely young woman. When the fairy godmother is asking what her third wish will be, the old woman's cat wanders past, so she says:---"Can you change him into a handsome prince.?" ***POOF*** and there stands this most handsome fellow she could imagine. While staring at him, he saunters over to her and whispers in her ear:--- "Bet you're bloody sorry now you had me neutered.!!!"
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In the middle of harvesting the crop, a farmhand needs to obey the call of nature,so goes behind a tree, but whilst relieving himself, is stung by a bee right on the "tip."
He was in really unbearable pain naturally, but had heard of a good remedyfor such an occasion, so went over into the farmers kitchen and dropped his penis into a jug of buttermilk.
Just at that moment the farmers daughter came in, and with a very red face just stood and stared at him."have you never seen one of these before,?"he asked,to which she replied:--- "Oh yes,plenty;but this is the first time I've seen one being reloaded."
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Patsy Cline Tribute

"The Patsy Cline Show"

For the past 13 years, Barbara"a singer all her life", has been performing the Patsy Cline Show.

"All Barbara's clothes are made by the same dressmaker as Patsy Cline's in America".

There was a total of 8 costumes worn by Barbara during her performance, which we were

lucky enough to attend.

The show was at" Club Mulwala" one of three clubs we have in the area, the cost to members

was $35 that included two course dinner.

" Great Night Great Show"

After the show we were lucky enough to meet the lady herself

Remembering

This is Brian (my hubby) & myself on our wedding day 21st December 1957.

Below is one of the many cards I have recieved from Brian over the years, and he always manages to find the card that expresses his feelings for me.

"REMEMBERING"

I may not think to bring you flowers

and in many ways I fail,

It's not because I love you less~

I'm just a typical male.

I may not think to take you out

to dine by candlelight,

But I always treat you with respect

and am, usually,polite.

Judge not my love by failings

rather by things I do

For I know that I could never find

another sweet as you.

No gift could ever truly express

the deep love I have

in my heart for you.

***************

Irish.Medical.Dictionary.

Artery............ The study of Painting.

Bacteria.......... Back door to Cafeteria.

Barium............ What doctors do if patient Dies.

Bowel................ A letter like A.E.I.O.U.

Caesarian section.... A neighbourhood in Rome.

Cat-Scan........ .Searching for Pussy.

Cauterise....... Made eye contact with Her.

Coma......... Punctuation mark./. longer stay in Hospital.

D & C........... Where washington Is.

Dilate......... To live Longer.

Enema........ Opposite to Friend.

Fester........ Quicker

Fibula........ A small Lie

Genital....... Not a Jew.

G.I.Series......... A soldiers ball Game.

Hang-Nail......... Coat Hook.

Impotent......... Distinguished-Well Known.

Labour -Pain........ Getting hurt at Work.

Medical Staff......... Doctor's Cane.

Morbid............ Higher Offer.

Nitrates............... Cheaper than day Rates.

Node.......... Past tense of Known.

Outpatient........... A person who has Fainted.

Pap-Smear.............. A fatherhood Test.

Pelvis............... Elvis'Cousin.

Recovery-Room......... Place to do Upholstery.

Rectum............... Darn near Killed'em.

Secretion............... Hiding Something.

Seizure.............. Roman Emperor.

Tablet............ A small Table.

Terminal Illness......... Sick at the Airport.

Tumor............. More than One.

Urine............. Opposite of "you'reOut".

Varicose......... Not far Away.

Vein............ Conceited.

Dear Dorothy dix

Dear Dorothy Dix.
I am a sailor in the Australian Navy my family lives in Perth Western Australia.My brother in law is a"pommie" living in Adelaide South Australia.My parents are disabled and unable to work,they depend on my two sisters who are prostitutes in Melbourne Victoria.
My brother is serving life for rape and burglary...I am going with an aboriginal prostitute,she solicits around the navy dock.She says she loves me but knows nothing of my family's background. We intend to marry as soon as her bigamy case is settled...me being white does not bother her at all.
When I get out of the navy we will open a whore house in Brisbane. My two sisters will work there and keep the business in the family.....My problem is this.....Due to the fact I will marry the girl and bring her into the family, should I tell about my brother in law being a "pommie"?????????

Opening Day At Yarrawonga Lawn Bowls

The weather for the opening to our season was beautiful to say the least, we had twenty four players which allowed us to play triples. [Triples meaning teams of three a side playing two games of eight ends and I was lucky enough to be in the winning side].

Now that the season has offically opened we will play a competition we call pennant against other clubs in the surrounding districts, this means that teams will travel over

a hundred kilometers to compete. As our season progresses I will report on the clubs posistion.

Just Me Again

Hi All
Just thought I would pop in to tell you of a friend who came over for a cuppa[ that is tea or coffee] that was on sunday and she left monday, I was'nt sure what it was my bottomless cup or her hollow legs for the lenght taken to have that cuppa.
I wont mention any names i'll just point now you all know who it is....HA.HA.
Our lawn bowls season starts 7th september really looking forward to getting back on the greens
to catch up with my old mates and make some new ones.
Getting a little better at this blogging caper and enjoying it so as time goes on i hope get right
into it.

A LETTER FROM AN IRISH MOTHER

Dear Son

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive,I'm writing this slowly becauseI know you can't read fast.

You wont know the house when you get home....cos we've moved.

Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him... he cuts grass at the cemetery.

There was a washing machine at the new housebut it's not working too good.

Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain,and I haven't seen the shirts since.

Your sister Colleen had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if its a boy or a girl, so I don't know if you're an uncle or an aunt. Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of whisky at the Dublin Distillery. His mates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely.

He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out

I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me.Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minutes.Your Father wanted to buy it from him.

It only rained twice this week,first for four days and then for three days.

We had a letter from the undertaker.

He said if the final payment on your Grandmothers grave wasn't paid in seven days~~~ up she comes~~~

___ Your Loving Mother xx

P.S..I was going to send you 10 dollars but I'd already sealed the envelope.

AGEING GRACEFULLY

May your bum stay firm & pert

May your boobies not head south.

May your lippy[lipstick] never bleed

Into thin lines round your mouth.

May you eat a ton of chocolate

But never gain a pound.

May you always look your best

Whenever Brad Pitt comes around.

May you never wear big pants

Or grow unwanted hair.

And if all else fails

MAY YOU BE TOO SLOSHED TO CARE.

An Aussie Ocker's Sayings

AN AUSSIE OCKER AND HIS SAYING'S

G'Day Mate....

Pleased to make your acquaintance

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He's Blotto

Inebriated beyond the capacity to stand up

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You little ripper

Words of praise fail me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rack Off

Your presence is no longer required

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fair dinkum

Of course I'm telling the truth

~~~~~~~~~

Pull your head in!

You may be correct in your assertionbut shut up

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wanna Rage ?

Would you like to drink vast amounts of alcohol with me

until we both drop

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You Drongo!

A rather dimwitted person

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your Shout

If you value your well being you

should buy the next drink

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GO ON

I'm not entirely convinced you knowwhat your talking about

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHADAYAWANT?

~~Might I enquire about your needs ?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HAVE A CHUNDER !

The delicate act of regurgition.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``

YOU PONG

Dearme we do smell dont we .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BLOODY OATH!

I'Min total agreeance with you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOWYA GOING?

May i enqire about your welfare ?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GIVE IT A GO YOU MUG !

Are you perhaps incapable of perfoming the act ?

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Name That Tune

Love is just around the corner Teacher's Pet
The Desert Song
What's New Pussycat
Tulips from Amsterdam
Up up and away
You must have been a beautiful
Easter Parade
Chicken Dance

How Did Anyone Go Playing Name That Tune?