"SANTA"

A Christmas Story

T'was the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.

He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.

I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!I've busted my ass for damn near a year,Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.

The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.

Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.

And just when I thought that things would get betterThose assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pitsThey want the impossible--Those mean little shits

I spent a whole year making wagons and sledsAssembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the treesFalling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoymentI'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.


.There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

THIS IS THE END FOR THE SEASON

SEE YOU ALL IN "2007"

"CHRISTMAS GREETINGS"

"TO ALL MY BLOGGER FRIENDS"

I would sincerly like to wish you all a very

"MERRY CHRISTMAS"

to your family from mine an a prosperous new year..

"CLEANING"

! MY PHILOSOPHY OF HOUSECLEANING!
I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible( plus they may sue me.)

I don't mind the dust bunnies because ... They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

I don't disturb cobwebs because ... I want every creature to have a home of their own.
I don't Spring Clean because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous .

I don't pull weeds in the garden because ... I don't want to get in God's way, HE is an excellent designer!
I don't put things away because... Nobody will ever be able to find them again.

I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because.. . I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.

I don't iron because... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".

I don't stress much on anything because ... "A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!! REMEMBER . . . .

"SIGNS"

I love these signs!!

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
...... "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a Podiatrist's office:
..... "Time wounds all heels."

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
..... "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"

On another Septic Tank Truck:
....."We're #1 in the #2 business"

At a Proctologist's door:
..... "To expedite your visit please back in."


On a Plumber's truck:
..... "We repair what your husband fixed."

On another Plumber's truck:
..... "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

On a Church's Billboard:
..... "7 days without God makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
..... "Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
..... "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company:
..... "We don't charge an arm and a leg we want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:
..... "Let us remove your shorts."

In a Non-smoking Area:
..... "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
..... "Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office :
..... "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
..... "We really know our stuff."

On a Fence:
..... "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

At a Car Dealership:
..... "The best way to get back on your feet... miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
..... "No appointment necessary... We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
..... "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
..... "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:
....."Don't stand there and be hungry... Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
..... "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station:
....."Thank heaven for little grills"

And don't forget this sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
....."Best place in town to take a leak !"


=======================================================

"GRANDSONS BIRTHDAY PRESENT"

A woman goes into Myers to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

The Myers salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.

She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb.Test line.

It's a good all around combination, and it's on sale this week for $44."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound Of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card,"he says.

As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.

At first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way the
blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me It
was on sale for $44. How did you get to $58.50?"

"The Duck Caller is $11 and the Fish Bait is $3.50."

***********

"THE WORD HELLO"

H=How are you?

E= Everything all right?

L= Like to hear from you

L= Love to see you soon!

O=Obviously, You are my friend...

So, HELLO!


It has made me smile every time I say hello since then
so send this message to the people you care about.
Just thinking of you!
I only sent this to people that I knew would NOT break
the chain or that believe in the power of prayer.

May today there be peace within you. May you trust your
God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

"I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when
our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

hope you are drinking from your saucer too.....

I've never made a fortune, and it's probably too late now.But I don't worry about that much,
I'm happy any how and I go along life's way,I'm reaping better than I sowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,'Cause my cup has overflowed. Haven't got a lot of riches,and sometimes the going's toughBut I've got loving ones all around me,and that makes me rich enough.
I thank God for his blessings,and the mercies He's bestowed.I'm drinking from my saucer,'Cause my cup has overflowed.I remember times when things went wrong,My faith wore somewhat thin.But all at once the dark clouds broke,and the sun peeped through again.

So Lord, help me not to gripe,about the tough rows I have hoed.I'm drinking from my saucer,'Cause my cup has overflowed.If God gives me strength and courage,When the way grows steep and rough.I'll not ask for other blessings,I'm already blessed enough.

And may I never be too busy,to help others bear their loads.Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer,'Cause my cup has overflowed.When I think of how many people in this world have it worse than I do, I realize just how blessed we really are.
Don't be too busy today...

To share this inspiring message with friends and family
Love never gives up,
never loses faith,
is always hopeful, and endures.

"MY BIRTH PLACE"

I was born in a place called Richmond, which is an inner suburb of Melbourne.
We were a family of 10 of which my Mother reared 4 ,two girls and two boys

Below is the house in Cremorne St where I lived aged 3yrs it's had a face lift since we lived there.

Below is my first school in cremorne st, it is now a part of " Richmond Tafe"

I was surprised to see the old school, but to see my old house was still there was unreal.

Below are a couple of well known land marks around richmond I remember," Bryant and May"

on the right of matches was the factory that manafactured them.

. . " Pelaco Shirts " a well known brand of shirt here in Australia

also located in Richmond.

I have many memories of "Richmond which I will share with you later on.

"RICHMOND"

Brief History of Dimmeys and Forges

In 1853, the drapery store known as Dimelow & Gaylard was established in Swan St, Richmond, an inner Melbourne suburb.
Locals soon nicknamed the store Dimmeys and by the turn of the century the popular name had stuck so the owners registered Dimmeys Model Stores as the trading name.

The Richmond shop was extensively damaged by fire in 1905 but was repaired and trade on.
The existing store was built in 1907 incorporating the magnificent clocktower, (there are no
numbers on the clock, but the letters "Dimmys Stores" represent the numbers).

The dome on top of the tower was originally made of ruby coloured glass and each evening candles were lit inside the dome making a red orb that could be seen for miles.

However, with the threat of attack by the Germans, blackouts were strictly enforced in Melbourne and the Dimmeys dome could no longer be lit up.
Due to deterioration the glass panels were replaced with the present day copper coverings.

Recognised by the Melbourne "Age" Newspaper in 1998 as Melbourne’s No. 1 icon, Dimmeys has been a beacon for bargain shoppers for 147 years.

Dimmeys current day owners have maintained the original owners simple philosophy and that is to "Give the Customer a Bargain" so you can look forward to buying national brand and imported menswear, ladieswear, childrenswear, manchester, homewares, giftware, footwear & hardware at huge savings off recommended retail prices because at Dimmeys "You get more than you bargain for".

How do they do it?
Dimmey’s buyers are expert at finding national brand over-runs, end of ranges and goods with slight imperfections in large quantities which enables them to sell this merchandise at 40–70% off recommended retail price.

WHEN YOU’RE 152 YEARS OLD YOU’VE GOT TO BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT!

The great thing about working for Dimmeys is the fact that we work for a company that is part of Australia’s retail history.
It is arguable as to whether Dimmeys, David Jones or Gowings (a Sydney menswear store) is Australia’s oldest retail store, but regardless which one it is (I think it is us) just think of the changes the world has seen since Dimmeys has been trading.