Gwen's Den

Monday, December 11, 2006

"SIGNS"



I love these signs!!

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
...... "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a Podiatrist's office:
..... "Time wounds all heels."

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
..... "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"

On another Septic Tank Truck:
....."We're #1 in the #2 business"

At a Proctologist's door:
..... "To expedite your visit please back in."


On a Plumber's truck:
..... "We repair what your husband fixed."

On another Plumber's truck:
..... "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

On a Church's Billboard:
..... "7 days without God makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
..... "Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
..... "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company:
..... "We don't charge an arm and a leg we want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:
..... "Let us remove your shorts."

In a Non-smoking Area:
..... "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
..... "Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office :
..... "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
..... "We really know our stuff."

On a Fence:
..... "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

At a Car Dealership:
..... "The best way to get back on your feet... miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
..... "No appointment necessary... We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
..... "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
..... "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:
....."Don't stand there and be hungry... Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
..... "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station:
....."Thank heaven for little grills"

And don't forget this sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
....."Best place in town to take a leak !"


=======================================================

"GRANDSONS BIRTHDAY PRESENT"

A woman goes into Myers to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

The Myers salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.

She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb.Test line.

It's a good all around combination, and it's on sale this week for $44."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound Of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card,"he says.

As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.

At first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way the
blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me It
was on sale for $44. How did you get to $58.50?"

"The Duck Caller is $11 and the Fish Bait is $3.50."

***********

10 Comments:

  • Hi Mate
    Im 1st Wow!
    Having a good Chuckle at the Birthday present. Need i say more LOL..

    By Blogger Jeanette, at December 11, 2006 11:10 pm  

  • I like those sign sayings. I wonder who thinks all these up?
    ..

    By Blogger Jim, at December 12, 2006 12:14 am  

  • LOL now I've had my morning giggle!! I just love those signs, will print that up and pass it on to my mom! hehe

    By Blogger PEA, at December 12, 2006 4:06 am  

  • These are brilliant, Gwen. Hope you are well.
    Take care, Meow

    By Blogger Meow, at December 12, 2006 6:38 pm  

  • HA Ha Ha .... Funny As!!!

    By Blogger Gazza, at December 13, 2006 10:51 pm  

  • Hi Gwen,

    I loved the signs, LOL.

    I was going to get my brakes worked on and drove up to the shop and the door was open, I got out and said I need my brakes worked on and the guy said, "yeah I know I heard you trying to stop,"

    Janice~

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at December 14, 2006 6:38 pm  

  • Hi Gwen,

    I loved the signs, LOL.

    I was going to get my brakes worked on and drove up to the shop and the door was open, I got out and said I need my brakes worked on and the guy said, "yeah I know I heard you trying to stop,"

    Janice~

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at December 14, 2006 6:42 pm  

  • Hi Gwen,

    I loved the signs, LOL.

    I was going to get my brakes worked on and drove up to the shop and the door was open, I got out and said I need my brakes worked on and the guy said, "yeah I know I heard you trying to stop,"

    Janice~

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at December 14, 2006 6:43 pm  

  • Love the signs, quite clever some of them.

    Luv Jo

    By Blogger LittleJen, at December 14, 2006 10:32 pm  

  • hi gwen
    still having problems see you soon mate

    By Blogger Jeanette, at December 15, 2006 8:42 pm  

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