Gwen's Den

Thursday, November 09, 2006

"LAUGH IN"


He said . . .. I don't k now why you wear a bra; you've
got nothing to put in it. She said .. . You wear pants don't you?
He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the
ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
He said . . .. What have you been doing with all the
grocery money I gave you?
She said . Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
On a wall in a ladies room . .. "My husband follows
me everywhere" Written just below it . " I do not"

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the
world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the
future?
A. He buys two cases of beer .
Q. What is the difference between men and government
bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q.. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.

Q How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A.. A widow.

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
****************************************
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so
beautiful?" G od says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says , "why did you make her so
dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."
********************************************

"A LITTLE FLAB"

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife,pinched her on the butt and said,"If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said,"You know, if you firmed these up,we could get rid of your bra"This was beyond a silent responce.So she rolled over and grabbed him by his 'DANGLER'.With a death grip in place, she said,"You know,if you firmed this up,we couldget rid of the Gardener,the Postman, the Pool-man and your Brother."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"DON'T MESS WITH GRANDMA!

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and,upon returning to her car

found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her hand gun,proceeding

to sceam at the top of her voice,"I have a gun,and I know how to use it!

Get out of the car..!!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation.They got out and ran like mad.

The lady some what shaken,then proceededto load her bags into the back of

the car and got into the driver's

She was so shaken that she could not get the key into the ignition.

She tried and tried,and then it dawned on her why.

A few minutes later,she found her own carparked four or five spaces farther down

She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station.

The sergeant to whom she toldthe story couldn't stop laughing.

He pointed to the other end of the counter,where four pale men were reporting

a car jacking by a mad ,elderly woman described as white,less than five feet

tall,glasses,curly white hair,and carrying a large hand gun.

"IF YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A SENIOR MOMENT,MAKE IT A

MEMORABLE ONE"

***********************************************

14 Comments:

  • Oh Gwen, lol, these are all hilarious!! I needed a good laugh today and now I've had it! hehe Just love that little piggy picture too!! What a nice set of teeth he has eh??? LOL

    By Blogger PEA, at November 09, 2006 10:06 am  

  • Hello Gwen ~ Great jokes today, thanks.
    Thanks for your comments too, glad you got a laugh. Enjoy your weekend away
    and we will see you next week. Take care
    Cheers, Merle.

    By Anonymous Merle, at November 09, 2006 3:06 pm  

  • Dear Gwen,
    I am here from Shona's (The Funny Bone)...gal, you hit my funny bone today, I've laughed and laughed, especially after I scrolled down and saw the Ode to a Mammogram cartoon and story...gal, I about peed my pants!!
    :-D

    By Blogger Tammy, at November 10, 2006 5:50 am  

  • I like the pig too. I like pigs in general but yours is especially nice. He will always laugh at your jokes too.

    Why do you change a roll of toilet paper? I just wait till it's empty, then throw the old roll away and put on a new one.
    ..

    By Blogger Jim, at November 10, 2006 2:09 pm  

  • Ha ha...that is a freaky picture!!

    By Blogger Sorlil, at November 11, 2006 3:09 am  

  • Hi Gwen,

    The jokes were all good but the last one left me laughing the most.

    Have a great day, but please no senior moment with large hand guns.

    Janice~

    By Blogger Janice, at November 11, 2006 11:18 am  

  • Hi Gwen, hahaha, why am I sitting here reading blogs when I am supposed to be getting ready for work in the morning - how could I not when they are as entertaining as this ... very very funny, thank you.

    By Blogger DellaB, at November 11, 2006 11:17 pm  

  • Very funny Gwen, good men jokes, actually are they jokes or are they true...lol

    By Blogger LittleJen, at November 12, 2006 8:26 pm  

  • Very funny Gwen! Have a good day.

    By Blogger UKBob, at November 13, 2006 7:25 pm  

  • Wonderful jokes, Gwen. Loved the last one the best ... I could picture my Grandmother doing that !!!
    Have a great week.
    Take care, Meow

    By Blogger Meow, at November 14, 2006 9:58 am  

  • Really enjoyed the jokes....especially seeing as I am home today tending a cold. Thanks for the pick me up!!!

    Cheers from the great white north!!!

    By Blogger Smalltown RN, at November 15, 2006 8:20 am  

  • What an absolute pissa. Love the laughing pig. Keep up the great work.

    Love Donna

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at November 15, 2006 8:46 pm  

  • Hi Mate
    Love the toothy grin on the pig. Still laughing at the jokes
    I wont mess with that Grandma.
    cu tomorrow.

    By Blogger Jeanette, at November 16, 2006 1:00 am  

  • These are all so good that I'm going to bed with a smile on my face .....because of the jokes, I mean ....lol

    By Blogger Alice, at December 07, 2006 11:33 pm  

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