Gwen's Den

Friday, November 03, 2006

"ODE TO A MAMMOGRAM"


"ODE TO A MAMMOGRAM"

For years'and years they told me"Be careful of your breasts Don't ever squeeze
or bruise them And give them monthly tests."

So I heeded all their warnings and protected them by law.....
Guarded them very carefully And always a bra I wore.

After 30 years of careful care the doctor found a lump
He ordered a mammogram to look inside that clump.

"Stand very close,"she said as she got my tit in line
"And tell me when it hurts,"she said"Ah yes!There!That's just fine."

She stepped upon a pedal...I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate was pressing down...my boob was in a vice!!!

My skin was stretched'n streched from way up by my chin
And my poor tit was being squashed to Swedish pancake thin!!!

Excruciating pain I felt within its vice-like grip
A prisoner in this vicious thing my poor defenceless tit!

"Take a deep breath,"she said to me who does she think she's kidding?
My chest is smashed in her machine I can't breathe and woozy I am getting.

"There that was good,"I heard her say as the room was slowly swaying
"Now lets's get the other one."Lord,have mercy,I was praying.

It squeezed me from the up and down It squeezed me from both sides
I'll bet she's never had this done to her tender hide!

If I had no problem when I came in I surely have one now....
If there had been a cyst in there it would have popped ***ka pow.

This machine was made by a man of this I have no doubt....
I'd like to get his balls in there for months he'd go without!!!!

13 Comments:

  • G'day Mate
    ROTFLMAO
    Yeah I know all about that. Been there done that. And it bloody well hurt!! Cya tomorrow Mate.

    By Blogger Jeanette, at November 03, 2006 10:54 pm  

  • hee hee... I sure have heard bad things about these machines - like the cartoon!!

    By Blogger Sorlil, at November 04, 2006 12:02 am  

  • LOL This is so funny but the sad part is it's SO true too!!! I too have always believed this machine was made by a man! lol You'd think with this day and age, they'd have come out with something a bit less painful!!!

    By Blogger PEA, at November 04, 2006 1:25 am  

  • Hi Gwen -- I love your cartoon. There have been a lot of cute jokes a-looooong those lines.
    You haven't told us whether or not to worry and pray about you yet?
    Mrs. Jim is at that age [not really too awfully old] to get those every year.
    ..

    By Blogger Jim, at November 05, 2006 7:34 am  

  • Hallo from WA!
    Sooooooo, you're Gwen! :)
    Thankyou for leaving a comment on my recent post.

    By Blogger herhimnbryn, at November 06, 2006 8:57 am  

  • bin there, done that!
    SO true...
    :-)
    Della

    By Blogger DellaB, at November 06, 2006 9:25 am  

  • Hi Gwen,

    OUCH!

    I would think it would pop a cyst open!

    Yikes!

    Janice~

    By Blogger Janice, at November 06, 2006 4:56 pm  

  • Hey Gwen,

    Hmmmm something to look forward to.. Great.. NOT

    See u on the weekend, have a safe trip.

    Luv Jo

    By Blogger LittleJen, at November 06, 2006 9:44 pm  

  • LOL!!This was very funny.

    By Blogger lori, at November 07, 2006 12:04 am  

  • Great poem, Gwen.
    Can't say I've been through this interesting experience yet ... I imagine I should one day, though !!
    Hope all is well in your world.
    Have a great week.
    Take care, Meow

    By Blogger Meow, at November 07, 2006 12:32 pm  

  • Hello Gwen - Sure they are very uncomfortable, but if they catch breast cancer early they are worth it. I have
    only one breast, BUT they insist on trying to take the other side as well.
    Now THAT is strange. Thanks for your comments and glad you enjoy the jokes.
    Take care, Cheers, Merle.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at November 07, 2006 5:39 pm  

  • Hey you,

    Yes.. funny and true, but I agree with Merle, specially after Aunty Pauline was diagnosed with breast cancer, and lucky she only lost one breast and not her life.

    But still a funny post and its good to look on the bright and humourous side.

    Just another YUCKY examination us women have to go through .. Upside to it all .. at least we dont have a prostate !!

    .. maybe by the time I get there, they will have invented different means .. GOD I CAN ONLY HOPE .. OUCH on a large level !!!

    Talk soon,
    Cazz
    xxooxx

    By Blogger Cazz, at November 08, 2006 2:33 am  

  • Isn't this poem from the musical Busting out?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at April 13, 2011 10:11 am  

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