"ODE TO A MAMMOGRAM"

"ODE TO A MAMMOGRAM"

For years'and years they told me"Be careful of your breasts Don't ever squeeze
or bruise them And give them monthly tests."

So I heeded all their warnings and protected them by law.....
Guarded them very carefully And always a bra I wore.

After 30 years of careful care the doctor found a lump
He ordered a mammogram to look inside that clump.

"Stand very close,"she said as she got my tit in line
"And tell me when it hurts,"she said"Ah yes!There!That's just fine."

She stepped upon a pedal...I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate was pressing down...my boob was in a vice!!!

My skin was stretched'n streched from way up by my chin
And my poor tit was being squashed to Swedish pancake thin!!!

Excruciating pain I felt within its vice-like grip
A prisoner in this vicious thing my poor defenceless tit!

"Take a deep breath,"she said to me who does she think she's kidding?
My chest is smashed in her machine I can't breathe and woozy I am getting.

"There that was good,"I heard her say as the room was slowly swaying
"Now lets's get the other one."Lord,have mercy,I was praying.

It squeezed me from the up and down It squeezed me from both sides
I'll bet she's never had this done to her tender hide!

If I had no problem when I came in I surely have one now....
If there had been a cyst in there it would have popped ***ka pow.

This machine was made by a man of this I have no doubt....
I'd like to get his balls in there for months he'd go without!!!!