Giggles

Marriage is Sharing

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The sharing of marriage the old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.



He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.



He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.



He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.



As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.



Obviously they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."



As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.



The old man said, they were just fine they were used to sharingeverything people closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.



She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.



This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."



Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin,

the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"



She answered "THE TEETH."



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Contagious
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Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2006 .


A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".



Roland the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious." "Well done, Roland," says the teacher.


"Can anyone else try?" Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie," says the teacher.



"Anyone else?"

Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush, and my dad says it will take contagious."

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Why I fired my secretary

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Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well
waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!"
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss,
and by the way Happy Birthday ! "It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go !" We went to lunch.

But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quite bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?" I responded, "I guess not.

What do you have in mind ?" She said, "Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
" Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.

I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes,
she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...

Followed by my wife,
my kids, and dozens of my friends
and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there... On the couch... Naked.

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" My 7 random facts"

1..I'm a real family person.

2..Play bowls.

3..Enjoy a joke.

4..Enjoy my friends.

5..Like a social drink.

6..Gradma of 16 +1 great g/child.

7..Just enjoy life in general.

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Now I tag Meow!!