Gwen's Den

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Giggles

Marriage is Sharing

****************

The sharing of marriage the old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.



He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.



He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.



He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.



As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.



Obviously they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."



As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.



The old man said, they were just fine they were used to sharingeverything people closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.



She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.



This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."



Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin,

the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"



She answered "THE TEETH."



***************************************************


Contagious
**********************

Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2006 .



A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".



Roland the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious." "Well done, Roland," says the teacher.


"Can anyone else try?" Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie," says the teacher.



"Anyone else?"

Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush, and my dad says it will take contagious."





********************************


Why I fired my secretary

*********************

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well
waking up on that morning.


I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!"
and possibly have a small present for me.


As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... They will remember.


My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.


As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss,
and by the way Happy Birthday ! "It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.


I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."


I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go !" We went to lunch.


But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quite bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?" I responded, "I guess not.


What do you have in mind ?" She said, "Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner."


After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
" Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.


I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes,
she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...


Followed by my wife,
my kids, and dozens of my friends
and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".


And I just sat there... On the couch... Naked.


******************************

" My 7 random facts"

1..I'm a real family person.

2..Play bowls.

3..Enjoy a joke.

4..Enjoy my friends.

5..Like a social drink.

6..Gradma of 16 +1 great g/child.

7..Just enjoy life in general.

*************

Now I tag Meow!!




15 Comments:

  • That last joke was a doozy, Gwen! And thanks for your 7 random facts about yourself!

    By Blogger Val, at May 24, 2007 7:27 am  

  • Lol I love them all!! I love printing your jokes and passing them on to my mom, she so enjoys them too:-) Gosh, I hadn't realized you have 16 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild...can I borrow a couple until I get my own??? lol xoxo

    By Blogger PEA, at May 24, 2007 8:41 am  

  • play bowls. That is something I've seen several of you mention... but I'm not familiar with it.

    By Blogger Pamela, at May 25, 2007 4:16 pm  

  • Hi Gwen ~~ Some great jokes there. Thank you so much for the Birthday Greetings. Glad you made it safely to Joannes despite the wrong turn. It gets dark so early these days.Enjoy
    your few days away and see you when you get back. Say Hi to Joanne.
    Take care, Love, Merle.

    By Blogger Merle, at May 25, 2007 6:40 pm  

  • Hi Gwen -- We are back (early) now. I've even posted my status!

    I like your facts!
    ..

    By Blogger Jim, at May 26, 2007 10:25 am  

  • Hi Gwen,

    You really got me on the last joke what a hoot!

    Janice~

    By Blogger Janice, at May 26, 2007 5:39 pm  

  • Hi Gwen, great jokes, as usual ... you sure do find some doozies !!
    Love your random facts ... check out my blog, I did this meme last week (on the 20th, I think).
    Have a wonderful week.
    Take care, Meow

    By Blogger Meow, at May 27, 2007 10:09 pm  

  • Very droll!
    Have a nice day

    Gledwood "vol 2"

    ps I am on a cyber tour of Australia. Merle told me to look down her Aussie links (bc I never meet Aussies online normally, dunno why not) so here I am! Hi!!

    If you want to drop by mine you're most welcome; I'm at http://gledwood2.blogspot.com - that's my online journal. Everything else I do's linked up through that.

    All the best now

    byeeeee

    By Anonymous gledwood, at June 02, 2007 12:41 am  

  • Hi Gwen
    You gave me a good chuckle when I read these jokes. Take care see u soonxoxoxo

    By Blogger Jeanette, at June 03, 2007 12:23 am  

  • wow 17 grandkids! The first joke really made me giggle.

    By Blogger Sorlil, at June 04, 2007 7:10 pm  

  • Oh my did you make me LOL this morning. I love the first one about the teeth. You are to funny!

    By Blogger Lori, at June 07, 2007 8:32 pm  

  • Best laugh I have had in a while thanks
    xx
    shona

    By Blogger slap me happy, at June 12, 2007 10:12 am  

  • Hi Gwen,
    Loved the joke about the teeth and also reading your 7 random facts. You are really blessed to have so many grandchildren!!
    :)

    By Blogger Susie, at June 12, 2007 12:46 pm  

  • Hi Gwen ~~ Thank you so much for your comments. Glad you are OK even though not posting for a while.
    You should have posted "Am I a Fireman Yet?" yourself. It was quite popular. I am well and don't get far from the heaters/ Take care, Gwen,
    Keep warm and well, Love, Merle.

    By Blogger Merle, at June 12, 2007 5:10 pm  

  • Hey Gwen, just dropping by to say HI. HOpe all is well.
    Take care, Meow

    By Blogger Meow, at June 15, 2007 1:36 pm  

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