Gwen's Den

Wednesday, February 28, 2007


Ya' gotta' luv the Irish!

*Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an
important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me.
If you find me a parking place I will go to **Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and
give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."*

Father **Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first
man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to
heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to
go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that
when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a
group together to go right now"

*Paddy was in **New York. He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy
street crossing.
The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians.Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the
sidewalk. After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"*

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"*

*An Irish priest is driving down to **New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"*

*Walking into the bar, **Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour
me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.
"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."*

*Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his
drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his
wife, **Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their
upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.

As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he
landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket
broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and
looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and
He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and
began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and
butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.*


  • Hi Gwen ~~ Great jokes, my pick was the last one with the Band-aids on the hall mirror. Good to see you back
    with us. I have been very busy lately going ack and forth to doctors and having ct scan etc. Be glad when that is all over. I have a kidney stone stuck halfway between the kidney and the bladder. Take care, Gwen Love, Merle.

    By Blogger Merle, at February 28, 2007 11:40 pm  

  • Oh Gwen...LOL...they are all so good and funny! Gotta love the Irish for sure! hehe xox

    By Blogger PEA, at March 01, 2007 11:21 am  

  • Hi Gwen,

    We have a town some where near us named Heavenly, just a FYI.

    Loved the jokes.


    By Blogger Janice, at March 01, 2007 5:17 pm  

  • Those were great!!

    Thanks for visiting and commenting on the waterfall - pretty special, huh? I'm hoping to take some more fabulous shots in the next few weeks - from Vanuatu!! I leave on Monday. Stay tuned.

    By Blogger Tanya, at March 01, 2007 7:51 pm  

  • St Paddy's Day coming up already? Time goes fast. Thanks for the jokes!

    By Blogger Val, at March 01, 2007 9:49 pm  

  • Hahaha ... love Irish jokes.
    Take care, Meow

    By Blogger Meow, at March 02, 2007 8:34 am  

  • I too loved the bandaid joke. They were all very funny thanks for the laugh.

    By Blogger Margaret, at March 02, 2007 4:46 pm  

  • I'm glad we can still tell Irish jokes.

    By Blogger Pamela, at March 02, 2007 5:51 pm  

  • Hi Mate. loved your Jokes and had a good chuckle, especially all the bandaids over the mirror.
    Take care see u soon.

    By Blogger Jeanette, at March 03, 2007 9:49 pm  

  • Hi Gwen,
    Loved all the jokes but I have the simple sense of humour, I am still chuckling over the car park.

    By Blogger Donna, at March 06, 2007 9:14 am  

  • Hey Gwen,
    Enjoyed your jokes but want you to know the one about the band-aides was the best. I'm just glad the Irish live a life that others can enjoy.:) Behave yourself.

    By Blogger The Ramblin Irishman, at March 06, 2007 10:12 am  

  • Nice Irish Jokes mate.. catch up with you this weekend.

    By Blogger LittleJen, at March 06, 2007 12:35 pm  

  • Hi again Gwen ~~ Glad you liked the Driving with Grandma story.
    Thank you so much for your concern
    about my hospital trip. I am glad to be home and I am OK. Take care,Love, Merle.

    By Blogger Merle, at March 07, 2007 8:35 pm  

  • You're too funny for your own good!-lol
    Believe it or not the word verification for this spells luck! Do you think this means anything?
    Bests ;)

    By Blogger HORIZON, at March 07, 2007 9:06 pm  

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