Gwen's Den

Sunday, June 24, 2007

"INDIAN MATEING SEASON"

Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking through the woods.

All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about.

"Was the other Indian crazy or what?" The Indian replied "No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful woman in there waiting for us.

"Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was the answer.

"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"from deep inside.He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave.

As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave!It is bigger than those the Indians found.

There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"Like the others, he then heard an answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!"

With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read....(Get ready, this will kill ya),NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN



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Dear God,


First, my car broke down
I was very late for work
But I missed that awful accident
Was that your handiwork?

I found a house I loved
But others got there first
I was angry, then relieved
When I heard the pipes had burst!

I know you're watching over me
And I'm feeling truly blessed
For no matter what I pray for
You always know what's best!

I have this circle of E-mail friends,
Who mean the world to me;
Some days I "send" and "send,"
At other times, I let them be.

I am so blessed to have these friends,
With whom I've grown so close;
So this little poem I dedicate to them,
Because to me they are the "Most"!

When I see each name download,
And view the message they've sent;

I know they've thought of me that day,
And "well wishes" were their intent.

So to you, my friend, I would like to say,
Thank you for being a part;
Of all my daily contacts,
This comes right from my heart.

God bless you all is my prayer today,
I'm honored to call you "friend";
I pray the Lord will keep you safe,
Until we write again.

Happiness comes through doors you didn't know you left open

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This explains why I send you jokes.




A man and his dog were walking along a road.


The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.




He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.


He wondered where the road was leading them.




After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road.


It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight .




When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.




He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side when he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?' 'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.




'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked. 'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.' The man gestured, and the gate began to open.




'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked. 'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.




The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.




After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.




There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.




'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?' 'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in. 'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.




'There should be a bowl by the pump.' They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.




When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. 'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked. 'This is Heaven,' he answered.




'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.' 'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope.




That'shell.' 'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?' 'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.




'So. Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word. Maybe this will explain.




When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.




When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.




When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.




Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get? A forwarded joke.




So , next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.




You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime


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