"SURPRISE"

Hi all yes it's really me, it was Cazz that shamed me into this and I love her heaps.

Hope you all had a great Easter,I'm heading down to Melbourne next month{April}.

When I return hopefully with some photos I will post again,cant leave you with-out a joke so here goes.

****************************************************

Luck of the Irish

********************

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!' Miraculously, a parking place appeared.Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one

******************

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.

As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.

A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful managing not to yell.

Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.

He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed

in the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'Flynn said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?''Well,' Mary said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

*********************************

The Cowboy

*********************

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife she was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job one was gay and the other a drunk she thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied decided to hire the gay guy, figuring
it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching for weeks, the two of them worked and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, you have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great you should go into town and kick up your heels the hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came however, and he didn't return two o'clock and no hired hand finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said trembling, he did as she directed 'now take off my boots,'he did as she asked, ever so slowly'now take off my socks.'

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots,'now take off my skirt,' he slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light'now take off my bra.

'Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor then she looked at him and said, if you ever wear my clothes into town again you're fired.

******************************************